Yang Girly Girl

I have a Guru. If that conjures up an image of an emaciated, turban coiffed, linen draped man chanting, “Onnnnnnnggg Naaaammmmoooo…(actually, I think chanting is enchanting), then stop right now.

My guru’s most conservative outfit is a paisley georgette skirt paired perfectly with a pea green boucle jacket, accessorized nicely with a Swarovski crystal brooch, a silk Anne Klein scarf and real Citrine earrings, made by, you guessed it, HER! You wouldn’t catch her in anything shorter than a 3 inch Stuart Weitzman stiletto. She thinks everything should move or sway: clothes, hair, and your spirit?

C’mon! I don’t want my clothes to budge until the moment I get home and take the blasted things off and replace them with one of two pairs of sweats: the pink stained ones, or the navy ones with the holes. I have two pairs of shoes: black and brown. I have two colors of suits: black and brown. I have five shirts: white. It saves time in the morning…are all you YANG men feeling me here?????

My Guru is a YIN Girly Girl. She expresses herself colorfully: à la Aretha Franklin with a New York Yenta attitude, and I love her. She could probably do a bang up Ethel Merman impersonation, excellent for chanting. Hell, I do a bang up Ethel Merman impersonation; after all, some of you have already seen my Al Jolson, also great for chanting, or “cantoring.”

My Guru read my second posting and asked me, “Why are you afraid?”

“Huh??” I replied.

“You draw me in, you titillate my spirit, you have me wanting so much more, and then…,” she sighed. “You drop me into the middle of nowhere.”

“You could go sooo much deeper,” she said with tears brimming. “Dig, dig, dig down, in here.” She pounded her closed fist on her chest.

I thought, “Okay, Celine, if you start singing, ‘My Heart Will Go On,’ I’m going to retch.”

I made some excuses. I rationalized. I just wanted to get my feet wet. I just wanted it to stay light and fluffy…but I knew where she was going with this.

This blog isn’t just about chasing the light, or seeing angels, or astral projecting your way to Tahiti. It’s just as much about the shadows; our shadows.

They mire us in a chasm so dark and deep, that no beacon of light could ever illuminate it. The ones that we really abhor blatantly appear on other people, don’t they?

God forbid (but God allows) that we be unfair, arrogant, selfish, narcissistic, rude, angry, apathetic, or just downright mean. That includes the jerk that cut you off twice on the way to work.

God forbid (but God allows) that we could reveal our pain, our angst, our vulnerability. How sophomoric we are.

How many years did it take to squelch those shadow selves of yours? Was it worth it? Now you just project them on to the other people. Funny how the more you deny them, the more they prevail at every turn in your life.

Are you buying this?

If so, there is a solution, and it’s pretty simple. Love the dark persona; every scary ounce of you, nurture it. It is part of you, and you are the only one that can accept it. No one else really cares because they’re too busy negotiating with their own.

I’m reminded of my dark side every time I silently blast you for being angry or insecure; every time I roll my eyes when you’re arrogant; every time I become impatient with you while you’re on your cell phone, barreling down the freeway in your bus…er….SUV. You are all ME out there in one form or another.

Conversely, and knowing the divine duality of the Universe, I’m also the friend who’ll drive across the valley to have a cup of tea to console me while I whine, ad nauseum, about the incredible lack in my life.

I’m that cherubic three year old little guy who says I’m the best, even if I have to bribe him with graham crackers.

I’m the boss who takes time out to listen to my woes, again, about how we need to normalize data.

I am my Guru: lithe, svelte, gracefully feminine.

I’m every incredible human being on this planet who enriches my life daily with a kind word, a smile, or the non-patting hug. (By the way, when you hug someone, don’t pat them…it’s stupid. Hug them, pull them to you and show how much you really care about them. This patting thing is really passé.)

I am them, and they are me.

Then I look at my shoes: brown. They match my suit: brown. I can’t wait to peel them off and put on the sweats: holey. Okay, so my wardrobe came from the dark side, and I don’t pretend I don’t own the polyester floods with the undersized belly jacket. Just like I won’t pretend that I ‘m all that enlightened….yet.

© 2007, by Linda Bown. All Rights Reserved.

Tags: chanting, dark side, enlightenment, guru, Linda Bown, lindabown.com, shadow self, yin girly girl