Yang Girly Girl

I left the great regime today. I didn’t feel bad about it. I cried a little, because of my friends. They either look at you with pity, or with envy. It was my last day on the job. No more J-O-B. No more Corporate America. No more identifying who I am because of the title underneath my name on the Corporate business card. No more trying to prove that my life is meaningful because I’ve discovered that 2 plus 2 isn’t really 5. It’s 4. I know what synergy is, and it has nothing to do with coming up with a pithy phrase about quantifying a philosophy.

One of my honest to goodness brilliant friends sent me an e-mail that said, “Goodbye Forever…..”

I ran into her office.

“Am I dead? Is this my wake?”

She’s one of those that doesn’t have to say anything because she gets me, and I get her. We throw our hands up and laugh…a lot.

“Oh, you know how it is. We’ll never see each other. Our relationship happens because of this place. You factor out the place….no relationship. That’s how it always is.” A rule that burgeoned because keeping up relationships is hard…too hard.

This made me sad, but I realized her words were true. Seldom do we keep friendships up when we’re not thrown together into the middle of the daily debacle of work. It’s one of those “memes.” True friendships take work and phone calls, e-mails, lunches and dinners, and I’m happy to say that it’s worth it. Life’s luster is lifelong friends.

Today was the great emancipation. I’ve been planning it for quite some time…I think five years now.

I read once, “with courage greater than your fear, jump into the unknown, and you will fly.”

This could be interpreted at highly inspirational or utterly stupid if you lack a parachute. I chose it to be highly inspirational and decided to make it my credo for life. An aspiration I read on the back of a Hallmark card for the bargain basement price of $2.99.

Two by Fours slamming across your head come in all sizes and shapes at odd times in your life, don’t they?

I think I’ll be a free spirit for a while. No, I won’t grow my hair long and gray, or even put it up in French braids (I actually know how to French braid, even my own hair).

I won’t wave a sage stick before salutations, and I won’t read The Wall Street Journal just to prove that I know what’s going on with the price of oil or the mortgage industry. I won’t tell everybody that the sale of their house fell through because Mercury was in retrograde that day, even though I believe those things.

I heard that that the COO of the company I just left required all the VPs to read The Wall Street Journal every day. He should have told them to read the article in The Harvard Business Review about how to measure their EQ—their emotional intelligence quotient, or empathic leadership. What’s the difference between a bad leader and a well informed bad leader? Not much.

Whenever I passed by this COO’s office, he had his feet up on his desk playing with his blackberry. No one was partaking in the open door policy. I often wondered why he didn’t get out of his chair and talk to the people who were padding his pockets. I suppose he was too busy reading The Wall Street Journal, in Braille.

No, I won’t miss it. I’ll miss my friends. I’ll miss my mentor. I’ll miss my guru. I’ll miss the idea of building something of value. I might even miss running my fingers over my business card so I could remember who I was. That was before I realized who I am.

I’m not the brilliant accountant or analyst. I found that out the hard way, from brilliant accountants and analysts. I don’t know what they know, and at this time in the afternoon, there probably isn’t enough time before I’m dead to know what they know. They’re just great at what they do. They must have a passion for it. I don’t. I just pretended to have a passion for it. I took the data and the numbers and I created a symphony…or at least, what could be a symphony. Adagio, allegro, crescendo, ……read a financial statement sometime. You’ll see it…if you’re an accountant. But, I’m not.

It’s taken me thirty years to say it. I’m not an accountant. Hello, my name is Linda, and I’m not an accountant…anymore. I just am.

Good, bad, or in between, I’ve learned something from every person I’ve known at this job. They enrich my life, either directly or indirectly, but there’s a reason for all of them. That’s synergy, that’s symbiosis, and that’s the only way I look at things.

I realize that I have tried for six years to integrate my energy and philosophy with an entity that only cares about “global domination.” Really. That is the mission of the company I worked for. I think the owner of this company has had too many silver spoons to digest.

I am leaving Las Vegas, but it’s not leaving me. This transitional crossroads is exactly what it is. It’s a place where people change….either who they are, where they want to go, or what they want to believe. Sin City, or chards of brilliant self reflection?

If you ever want to find yourself, don’t go to a Tibetan monastery. Come to Las Vegas, and find profound divine dichotomy. If you’re like me, you might even find yourself.

Love and Light to my Las Vegas lifelong friends. You know who you are. Thank you for reading my rantings. Thank you for your love and support. My e-mail is linda@lindabown.com, and the same to my new friends in Seattle. Hey don’t the two cities have similar skylines?

Are you thinking about leaving your job, changing your career or getting the heck out of town? Write to me and let me know your thoughts. I never stop learning from you.